“It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right. . . . Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife.”
— Sen. John Cornyn (R-Tex.), advocating a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage in a speech Thursday to the Heritage Foundation.
Charles P. Pierce, noting that Cornyn actually didn’t deliver this paragraph even though it was included in his prepared text, said this:
As a matter of fact, it matters a great deal to my daily life if my neighbor marries a box turtle. Granted, it doesn’t matter as much as it did to my old college buddies who went out and got drunk one night and woke up married to snapping turtles. That didn’t end well, although they both can hit the high notes in the national anthem now. However, having a neighbor who’s married to a box turtle presents its own set of problems. For one thing, father-son softball games are pretty much impossible, if one of the dads takes several days to leg out a grounder to shortstop.