The Amherst School Committee voted (4-1) on Monday to eliminate math and reading from the Elementary School Curriculum due to budget shortfalls. “Due to Amherst’s current budget crisis, we are being forced to cut back,” explained Amherst School Committee Chair James Graham. “We felt that we just could not afford to lose our focus on art and music, so something had to go.” Mr. Graham inisisted the programs would not be missed. “In today’s Internet age, reading and math are not as important as clicking, so we’ve adapted the curriculum to reflect that. More clicking, less reading, that’s our motto.” Mr. Graham did acknowledge that the schools would retain the popular and successful RIF (Reading is Fundamental) program, with some updating for the 21st Century. “We’re still using it, only RIF now stands for Reading is Fairly important.” As for math, Mr. Graham believes kids are getting enough at home. “Our students are already adept at knowing precisely how many pedestrians they must run over before leveling up in Grand Theft Auto, and you can’t tell me that doesn’t take some math skill.”
In other fake news, the Onion Video News network has some excellent faux reporting. Liechtenstein reported to have tested tiny nuclear weapon and Gap Unveils new line of clothing for kids and by kids. See also: the Human Cost of Immigration. Wow, the look and feel of those videos are amazing!
Mr. Sun explains why the geek will never get the girl.