RIP, Maryam Irene Haley (Haley Paige, Miriam Haley)

by Robert Nagle on 12/23/2007

in Pop Americana,Right and Wrong,Visuals

This post is not going to be work-safe, because it is about the death (and possibly the murder) of  a woman who starred in porn movies.  The woman’s stage name was Haley Paige, but her real name was Miriam Haley (or Maryam Haley).

Haley Page, with cat, porn actress who died in 2007

Here’s the wikipedia page about the woman. There’s a very peculiar thread on an adult website (Not Safe for Work).  This thread is messy and hard to read, so I have quoted significant portions from it below on this web page. It starts with the picture can you see here (warning: topless photo).  At first glance, it appears to be a random publicity photo of a porn star signing autographs. But it strikes me as unbelievably tragic. The woman is “dressed” in her sexy regalia while signing a calendar with a raunchy nude photo of her on it. In the background, random male fans are waiting in line to get autographs, laughing, having a good time and yet barely paying attention to her. She is in the foreground of the photo and her body receives the best lighting, her skin positively glistens and her body (while perhaps not perfect) is still very beautiful and yes, sexualized.; but her figure is isolated from the rest of the people; it reminds us of the existential loneliness of the adult performer. For her, the autograph session is just another day at work. One might say it’s exploitative, and maybe it is, but to me it seems mundane and even dull. Just another model, just another set of tits, just another porn convention.

Haley Paige, photo by her father

The thread for this photo is awful. (If you remember, I wrote previously about how adult stars actively post on bulletin boards, leaving a permanent record of whatever they do–like the rest of us!) At first, fans criticize her breasts, and then Haley Paige herself comes on the thread to complain about the way they disparaged her:

“modt of you who wrote such odious comments about my breasts should find a real past time and get a fu*king life, as it is, obviously my self confidence is not good to say the least, thank you for ruining my week you feeble assholes. yes, my breasts sag, do you think i dont know that?

i look at my self in the mirror everyday and hate them but refuse to get a breast job.

so you will be happy to know that i have basically quit performing and focusing on my studies, as fr the suicide coment, it does cross my mind.”

“ive been through enough in my life and ive never treated anyone in the industry with disrespect, and i think it is fair to say i did not deserve those comments you fu*king worthless cunts.

-haley”

Later on in the same thread, fans wonder where she has been, then someone posts a news article about her death, then her father posts a full comments filling in the details. I’ve tried to sort through the details; it’s unclear to me whether she died of an overdose or was murdered. I suspect the details will be revealed over time (and the wikipedia page will be updated). Either way, the circumstances are both horrifying and tragic.

I could say a lot about porn as a social phenomena (I wrote a little about it already here ). I’m fairly tolerant of the genre, but contemptuous towards the mass commercialization of it. The pay is pitiful, and so are the working conditions; only a few are lucky enough to get good-paying parts. Maybe people can do it for a few weeks for the hell of it or even a few months, but after that,  it becomes a bad place to be unless you have really thick skin and an ability to avoid the crazies.   I once watched a porn film with a striking and smart-looking woman in her twenties. The woman (not Haley Paige) was being interviewed briefly before the sex scene. She said that her ex-husband kidnapped her child when he didn’t win custody. She was an exotic dancer and dabbling in porn. She was doing the porn shoot to pay for a divorce attorney and a private investigator to track the ex-husband down.

Of course, that whole backstory could have been faked, but it came out so randomly during the preliminary interview that it struck me as genuine. The director/interviewer was momentarily silenced by the sad dimension to this woman’s motivations. “Aren’t you afraid that your ex is going to use this movie as evidence that you are an unfit parent?” the director asked on the video.

“He already did that,” she said. “And that has always been his excuse for stealing my child away. But this is honest work, and I’ve been a good parent so far. I’m doing this to make a living. I have nothing to worry about.” And they had the sex scene, and they laughed and moaned the whole time, as if nothing was wrong.

The problem with porn is that it presents people as expendable and without a past. Porn by itself doesn’t have to be exploitative or ugly or demeaning, but when people have to adopt personas, we no longer have to treat them as people. They are just people with ugly tits.

Now getting back to Haley. Haley apparently came in contact with a lot of people in the industry over the past few years. Even her childhood (which she described as abusive) wasn’t as bad as she described it (if her father’s post was accurate). In California she will be remembered by friends and coworkers; apparently lots of people liked her (and in life, isn’t that all that matters?) When she disappeared, people noticed it, although not immediately. Her living arrangement in her final months was isolated, not nurturing. A year earlier she agreed to marry someone to help him get a green card, and recently, she got involved with a fetish video director (who did drugs with her and may have been her murderer). Although Haley was relatively well-known, a drug addiction isolated her and prevented others from injecting a dose of reality into her fragile life. To escape from the real world is sometimes necessary and sometimes glorious, but you can’t do it very long..or you’ll have no bungee chord to bring you back. In those final months Haley had no one around to “keep it real” or bring a fresh perspective on things.

The Wikipedia page lists an interview with her, one of the many that porn stars do with websites over their short career. These interviews are mostly respectful and bland, asking questions about hobbies and how was it like to work with director X and actor Y. She was glowing about a recent movie she made, the Villa with Vivid (and it was directed by Paul Thomas, truly one of the most respectful and talented directors in his industry). I haven’t seen that movie, but I’m sure it was well-made and probably Hailey was thrilled to be in it.

We may say, “it’s just another porn star, another dead porn star,” but that is too easy. Haley was a porn star who lived; she had adventures, traveled around the world, had political opinions (she did work in the Green Party), and met all kinds of crazy and interesting people. She read Richard Brautigan, loved All about Eve and other classics, went to folk festivals. If I met her at a party and had no idea she was in the porn industry, I would have probably found her interesting. She felt, she thought, she lived.

I don’t want to launch a tirade or even a defense about the sex industry; all I know is that some people do well in it, and others do badly. These are unconventional paths for people to take in life, probably not anyone’s first choice (but my jobs after college weren’t my first choice either). But it’s probably good that so many different paths in life exist for people to explore…as long as these alternate paths don’t make us feel trapped. There are bad people to avoid everywhere (and porn has more than its fair share).

I remember a notoriously sadistic and perverse Japanese movie I saw a long time ago, “In the Realm of the Senses.” I remember the movie’s claustrophobic qualities; two lovers were in the bedroom for the entire movie, playing these weird sexual mutilation games which ultimately resulted in death. It’s one of those arty movies, so of course the sexual games and violence were meant to be taken metaphorically (although it was based on an actual event). The lovers in the film were portrayed in the movie as romantic and beautiful (though perverse); we were supposed to find them charming and maybe doomed. But if anything similar actually happened to a friend or loved one in the real life, it would sicken us. The movie’s lovers lived only for the darkness. But that was only a movie. Maryam and her porn director boyfriend were teetering on the edge with their alternative lifestyles. Drugs and fetishes brought escape; nothing was forbidden anymore; drugs became their God. Inside a hotel room, strung out on drugs, everything seemed fucked up and terrifying. I would like to think that her psychotic fetish-loving boyfriend was entirely to blame, but who really knows?

If Haley had lived a few more years, she would have gone out of the porn business, escaped the gaping maw of drugs and found some alternative niche. Maybe it wouldn’t have brought her happiness, but at least there would be a semi-normalcy. In your twenties, the world is built on absolutes. You haven’t established a pattern of living; you don’t yet have enough worldly knowledge to see the ephemeral qualities of fortune; you have no way of knowing how precious every single breath and footstep and conversation really is. At that vulnerable age, it is easy to fall into quicksand without realizing it actually is quicksand…or that hundreds (if not thousands) would be eager to help bring you out of it. Haley could not have foreseen the consequences, both of her death and its effect on those who knew her..and even those who didn’t. That is the irony and also the tragedy.

Postscript: These two photos seem sad, and looking back, I think it is unfair to define a woman’s life (and death) by pictures..even sad ones. Her father has put up some public photos and of course you could probably google her name and find thousands of porn photos where she is happy and smiling.

Postscript #2: (July 4, 2008). In May, the father writes on the original thread:

I’m glad I’m back, too. Crass comments don’t really bother me. Well, they do, if I let them, I suppose. If I think about them and what they’re saying about my daughter. But in my state of semi-denial, the comments are not about my daughter at all, but some fictional character I don’t quite associate with being her. I relate to the comments about her personality and her real self, not the porn star performing acts my mind won’t let me imagine. Yet intellectually I know it’s her, and I sense the amazing crossover she made by just being herself in an environment that is a polar opposite from her upbringing. I know about the real Maryam, so I can relate to the feelings people have about her as a person rather than an actress.

I realize that what we’re doing on this forum is quite extraordinary, talking about an adult performing artist on levels that go way beyond the subject of raw sex. We have taken the life and soul of a woman in its elemental form, examined her unjust fate in terms that transcend sensational voyeurism, and are in the process of redefining our understanding of her, our concept of her being, in the brazen expectation of discovering something valuable to cherish both in her life and in her death, and at some point, in each of our own hearts. What I find fascinating in our discussion, loose as it is at the moment, is that most of you don’t know her before Haley Paige, and I don’t know her since. I think we’re telling each other we’d like to swap stories so we can put them together into one. OK by me.

July 4 2008: Read this semi-interesting and totally irrelevant discussion about this article and wikipedia.

July  24 2008: Apparently Ken Haley through an email to the bastardly.com site, has provided a lot more background information.  Rather than try to summarize, I’d prefer just to include the contents verbatim (especially because bastardly seems to be having technical problems with publishing  comments):

Thank you so very much, Ida Clair. I’m still going through early levels of grieving, such as denial and suppression, and only briefly do I experience the anger that inevitably come in heavier doses. There are moments late at night when it hits me that she will not appear to me in person again, that our memories will not be laughed about in happy reunions, that new memories will not be born or even imagined. I feel somewhat dissociated from Haley Paige, the pornstar that people write about, both with dignity and crassness. I never knew Haley Paige, and Maryam Irene Haley would never do what Haley Paige did. Denial? More likely, a self-protection mechanism to suppress overwhelming grief and pain. But grief and pain slip through anyway, when I’m alone and out of earshot of my wife (Maryam’s mother and I are divorced) and other people. Despite the anguish at the loss of my precious daughter and friend, I am buoyed by the words of you who have written with compassion and tenderness, and those who have been affected by her reality and her life.

I will write Maryam’s story, though how soon I can’t say. So meanwhile, if there are questions, like Robert’s, I’ll be happy to try to answer them.”

“To kind of set the timeline straight, or as straight as I know it to be, this is what I can help you to understand. I last saw Maryam in October 2006 when my wife (her stepmother) and I visited her in L.A (we live in Oregon).I still did not know much about her professional life. For two or three years she had told me she worked for a modeling agency as an assistant and chaperone for the models, and then as an appointment setter. She never told me that she was a model herself.”

“A few months before I last saw her she wrote me about directing an adult movie, but she specifically said she was not an actress or performer. So when I visited her in October 2006, and met Chico, I thought she was still working for the modeling agency. She seemed a bit out of it during the visit, her eyes looked way too droopy, and she took a lot of pills during the time we were there.”

“In earlier phone conversations and emails she had told me of an addiction to oxycontin, and at the time of our visit she said she was taking prescribed methadone for the addiction. Despite her apparent drowsiness, she was quite active and alert with us, at least during the daytime. We played tennis in the complex tennis court (I took photos of her playing), and she ran and jumped and had plenty of energy. We had lunch together, including Chico. He was somewhat subdued, appeared intelligent though a bit arrogant, and he paid for the meal.”

“After we went to her place and arranged to stay the night in her apartment he disappeared. I got the impression she had to ask him for permission for us to stay and he probably wasn’t happy about it. But she was cheerful and didn’t let on there was a problem. As the evening wore on, she seemed to get drowsier, eventually falling asleep while eating a piece of cake. We stretched her out on the sofa and spent the night in her room. There was another bedroom in the apartment, which Maryam said was locked because somebody was keeping a dog in it. We could hear the dog, and during the night I heard someone going into the room, adjacent to the room we were sleeping in.”

“Before she fell asleep, Maryam whispered to me that her boyfriend was paying for all her living expenses, but that she didn’t care for him very much, and would soon be leaving him, but couldn’t right away. She said he made lots of money in a secret business, and I immediately imagined he was a drug dealer. In the morning she greeted us at the bedroom door as we were getting ready to leave. She was a lot more bright-eyed, not drowsy-looking, and very sweet with us. She hugged and kissed us goodbye and seemed very much at peace. That was the last time I saw her, except in recent dreams.”

“In may or june of the next year, I got a call from Maryam one evening. She seemed to be chatty at first, and then suddenly asked me a question in a childish and whiny voice. “Why did you let my uncle molest me?” she asked, startling me. I knew what she was talking about. When she was about 3 years old, we (her mother, herself, and I) were spending the night at my sister’s home in San Diego. We were living in Mexico, and when we visited my sister and her now-deceased husband, we would usually stay with them in their big home. My sister’s husband was an alcoholic, but I always thought of him as a lovable person and a good uncle.”

“As Maryam’s mother and I were settling in for bed, Maryam came running into the guest bedroom and said: “My uncle touched my pee-pee!” We didn’t let her go back out of our room, and after she went to sleep, my wife and I discussed in low voices what we should do. Make a fuss about it? Accuse my sister’s husband of touching Maryam? Probably alienate my sister? We made the decision not to bring it up, because we felt that if he had done something inappropriate, he had done it while drunk.”

“We decided, though, never to leave her alone in his presence. Which wasn’t hard to do since we seldom visited them overnight again. He visited us once in Mexico before he died, but he stayed in a hotel and we made sure he wasn’t alone with Maryam. We never discussed the event with my sister or even brought it up to Maryam again. How she remembered it, I don’t know. But as I tried to explain the episode to her on the phone when she called, she kept saying things like, “Why didn’t you protect me from him?” Then suddenly, Chico came on the phone, and started a rant about me allowing her uncle to molest Maryam, and he was going to tell the authorities. I hung up on him, but he called about 8 more times over the next week or two, and I still have the taped messages. Each time he called he ranted for five or ten minutes (I never picked up to talk to him). A few times Maryam’s voice is heard in the background, sobbing and saying, “Dad! Dad!” Like a call for help.

“At first I was angry with her as well as Chico. In an email that Chico sent, he said he wanted us to pay him $100,000 for all the money he spent on Maryam’s addiction, or he would tell the authorities that I allowed her to be molested and probably molested her myself. I found out that he made the same calls to Maryam’s mother and to my sister.”

“Just a couple of weeks after those disturbing phone calls, I got an email from Maryam that she had left Chico because he had beat her up, and she was staying at her mom’s in San Diego. She said she had some information that would put Chico behind bars for a long time, regarding a rape or a murder, and that she was going to testify against him. She apologized for the phone calls, saying that he had made her do in order to extort money. Right after that I got an email from Chico saying that Maryam had left him and he was going to have to destroy her cats. He attached half a dozen photos of Maryam in various hard-core porn positions. “See what your actions made your daughter do?” he wrote. I don’t know how to describe my emotional reaction to those photos. It was like a Hitchcock movie, when lights and twistings spirals zoom in and out on the screen of the mind, and reality warps into a blur of tears and gasps of disbelief. The next day, after a sleepless night, I wrote to Maryam that I had found about her professional life, and that I did not condemn her for it. She wrote back briefly and said she had a lot to talk to me about. A few days later I got a frantic call from her mother that Maryam had left her home and was probably going back to Chico. Maryam’s mother was heartbroken. She said that she knew Chico was an evil person and that Maryam was terrified of him, but that her had a hold on her.”

“On August 23, 2007 I got a call from my wife on my cell phone as I was returning home from photographing a friend’s wedding. “Come home immediately!” she screamed. Intuitively I knew it was about Maryam. “It is Maryam?” I asked. “Yes!” “Is she dead?” I asked. “Yes!” Maryam’s mother had called and my wife had taken the call. Though they hadn’t met before, my wife and my ex-wife seemed to bond in grief. My wife had a good relationship with Maryam, who had often stayed with us, including several months in Oklahoma in 2001 and periodically in San Diego over the next couple of years. After Maryam moved to Los Angeles, she visited every few months, and we had several nice visits with her. Maryam’s mother had called 2 days after Maryam’s death, because she had immediately driven to central California when she got the news from the police on August 21. Maryam’s remains were held a few days in King City or Soledad, the county seat, at the coroner’s office. Her mother had gone up there and started to make funeral arrangements at her own hometown in Contra Costa County, not far away. I wish she had called me sooner, but I didn’t blame her. As soon as the coroner released Maryam, we planned to have a family ceremony, which took place the following week. My wife and I drove down from Oregon, and my first wife (I have 2 children from my first marriage, both who knew Maryam, but couldn’t attend the funeral) attended from where she lives nearby. All three of my wives came together at the funeral, and I took a lovely photo of all three, arms locked in friendship and in tender remembrance of Maryam.

Maryam’s mother told me that there was an investigation about Maryam’s death, and a sheriff’s official did take a statement from me, but I haven’t heard of any conclusion on the authorities’ part about possible murder or even suicide. The only drug that I know was found in her system was methadone, which I knew she was taking.”

“Chico sent me a long email right before we left for the funeral. It rambled and didn’t make a lot of sense, but he seemed subdued and remorseful. I haven’t shown it to anyone. He talked about driving for weeks with her after she went back to him, and about getting married in Los Vegas, and making plans for her to get off drugs and having a normal life. Some of those events were later confirmed, such as their getting married, so it’s possible that this account was basically true. He said he was sorry that she died while he slept, that he didn’t know she was sick during the night, and that he loved her and felt lonely without her.

When I read about his own death by suicide just a month later, I wasn’t as surprised as I might be. Because something tells me she had exacted a revenge on him in some way. She might have come to him in a dream or a vision, like she has come to me (sometimes as a hummingbird, sometimes as a beautiful mature woman clothed entirely in long flowing black hair) and scared him to death. Or he may have been overwhelmed by a sense of loss, though according to accounts of his treatment of women, it’s unlikely he was so sentimental about any woman that he would kill himself for losing her, unless he had done something to facilitate her death and the guilt got to him. Another possible explanation is the fear he expressed in different forums of his family finding out about his profession. Perhaps they had found out, and they had dispossessed him, and he killed himself out of humiliation.

It was a weird kind of poetic justice, but I’m happier that he’s dead, though if her life would bring back his, then I’d let him live just to have her back. Even if Chico didn’t have anything to do with Maryam’s death, his control over her, the morbid decay of the drugs and degrading sex and brutality he visited on her sapped her of her vitality and innocence, and made her life a form of death already. Either way, justice was served, in my opinion.”

Many questions remain, lots of information I would like to compile in order to write a thorough biogaphy, or perhaps a fictionalized biopic of a sweet young woman who made a career decision that confounded all of her friends and family, that led to incredible success and to her untimely death in a matter of a few years. I think tonight I wrote about a chapter’s worth already.

Love you all.

If anyone reading this blog personally knew my daughter, then you also know me to some extent. She and I share a number of attitudes and values, including honesty and openness. I’m not afraid to be open with people I don’t know very well, and can quickly make connections with supposed strangers. I’m not reticent about expressing my feelings and passions, and I think she was the same way. I have received much appreciated warmth and compassion from people on this blog, and I want to repay you who have given me a piece of your heart. It is a bizarre situation that brings us into each other’s acquaintance, I accept that, yet it also is natural and as human as any of us can be. You are a source of solace for my aching soul, and I even welcome the sickos who insult me and my daughter, for they will by some measure be touched by your kindness and by the honor you are bestowing on the young woman who left this life too soon. Haley Paige, Maryam Haley, is not in my eyes the adult actress many of you have seen in explicit detail. She is not the innocent girl who got mixed up in something beyond her power to escape. She is my closest friend, who knew me better than anyone ever has, and who wanted to make me proud of her accomplishments. And I am proud of what she accomplished, even in the industry that took her life, but more so for the effect she had on people, and continues to have on you who read these words. Keeping her name fresh and alive, and her memory as strong as her last words on this earth, is more than enough reason to share my thoughts and heart with all of you. Simple as that. Let’s keep talking about her. That includes the sickos who feel a need to insult and degrade. I can hope some of them aren’t as sick as they pretend to be.


(in response to some criticism by one of the posters)

It’s hard to take any of this dude’s language personally. He seems to illustrate one extreme of people in the adult business who are totally without morals or humanity. I’m convinced this person is Hunglo, who worked closely with Chico Wang and who broke away from Chico for some reason just before the tragic events that surround Maryam’s death. He probably knows more about the circumstances of Maryam’s final days than anyone alive. Too bad he doesn’t have an ounce of morality to at least give Maryam’s family some sense of solace and consolation regarding her last days of life. I never met Hunglo in person, though I’m sure he knew Maryam well. I don’t know why he caricatures her so grossly, in contradiction to other people in the industry who knew her personally and who have praised her for her character and personality, and even in contradiction to his hero Chico, who supposedly loved her. However, Chico did write me emails that were degrading of her, also, interspersed with assertions that he loved her and cared for her. He wrote me a day after Maryam’s death saying he was overcome with grief at her passing. Both Chico and this fellow seem to be cut from the same tragic cloth. Nearly devoid of soul, they seek self-aggrandizement in the degradation and abuse of people who are much better than they.

As an aside, I’m not sure whether reposting this passage is the right thing to do. I will try to contact the man personally and obtain permission.  The father’s words strike me as reliable, thoughtful and yes, profound. Yet they are also the words of a man in mourning, and later he may have regrets about the amount of candor he showed on this Internet thread.   These are events too tragic to be settled on a discussion thread.

Finally, I wish to acknowledge that my original essay about the death was wrong-headed in some ways.  Reality turned out to be  more complex. Haley hadn’t isolated herself that much; she stayed in touch with her father and probably other family members. Chico was a bad man, but had redeeming moments and probably genuine regret about what happened.  We still don’t know the whole story. I don’t know if a “fictionalization” of the death will do it justice, but a literary treatment offers more freedom to explore emotions and hidden thoughts and ponder the significance of small details.  A reporter (on the other hand) is constrained by the need to make events easy to understand and verifiable.  A news article (or an essay like this one) or a discussion thread is limited in how it can portray a person or an event. In this discussion thread we see how different people are trying to impose their own narrative on  events.

August 14, 2008 Update: Here’s further information from the father.

I just communicated with Maryam’s mother who said she got the official autopsy report. Officially, Maryam’s cause of death is UNKNOWN. There were no signs of trauma on her body and she only had trace amounts of tylenol in her system. She had no other drugs in her system. According to the report, her cause of death is a mystery. That sure doesn’t bring a lot of closure to any of us, but it does answer the main question about a drug overdose.

A few days before she died she said she wanted to tell me all about her career, and though I wasn’t quite ready to hear every detail, I felt that we would share our lives on a new level. She would no longer be my angelic daughter, perhaps, but a grown woman who had done things I could not imagine a child of mine doing. And from me I guaranteed she would not feel an ounce of guilt or judgment. Can your parents handle your revelation in the same way? You must be aware that they may not, and be prepared to reveal your life’s secrets wisely and according to their capacity to be shocked. I don’t think many parents would be quite as composed as I tried to be. Even if yours say they want to hear it all, just be wise and tender with them. At the same time, if they have questions, answer truthfully, even if you give part of the story one day and more of the story another day. If they prove to you they can hear more, then reveal a bit more. If their words or expressions indicate a form of rejection or judgment, it could silence you for a long time, or at least damage the open trust you want to have with them. I’d love to hear from you how you break it to them. I’m happy to be your sounding board. But you do need to share it with people you love, as Maryam so desperately wanted to share it with me.

August 21 Update. Apparently the letter  I reprinted was incomplete. It is now corrected. Today has been one year since Maryam’s death.

August 21 Update Part 2. A little reflection about the tragedies of people’s lives.

August 24. I changed the topless photo with a more natural (albeit more tranquil and beautiful) picture. The topless photo was stark and had a social statement to make. On the other hand, it only reminded us of her involvement in the porn industry…which while interesting, is an example of trying to pigeonhole a person too easily. There will always be an abundance of stimulating visual depictions attached to the name Haley Paige…and a shortage of ordinary  photographs.

August 24. I welcome people’s comments and observations.  I don’t mind a free and open discussion,  but if a comment is  profanity-laced or insulting, I will probably delete it.

January 18, 2009.  Another reflection by the father last Thanksgiving:

Yes, there are a lot of unanswered questions. I realize Chico talked about Maryam’s heroin addiction, but the hospital and autopsy remarks listed no needle marks on her body, and family members who prepared her for the funeral said there were no marks on her. And according to the same reports, she had no heroin in her system at time of death. I believe Maryam was taking methadone for treatment for an oxycontin addiction that she readily discussed to me and others. I would hope she didn’t have a heroin problem, but I can’t say for sure. It’s hard to believe anything Chico said at any time about anything, but when looking for clues about Maryam’s last days, his words have to come under scrutiny. I’m glad you’re trying to piece together the clues, vague as they are.

Thanksgiving Day we had a guest who had lost his young daughter a couple of weeks ago in circumstances similar to Maryam’s. He didn’t know his daughter very well, since his life took him away from her early on, and his self-guilt was eating at him. He said he made choices back then that he might regret now but that he can’t say he would have changed in the face of circumstances. I told him about my sense of guilt, that I examine my choices during Maryam’s childhood and young adulthood that may have changed her life’s outcome. But I told my friend that I would make those choices the same way, because life is seldom about one person or one choice.

For example, shortly before Maryam got into the adult business, she was living at my home in Oklahoma. She had come to visit from California, and her car broke down, and my wife and I invited her to stay with us for an extended period of time. She was under the influence of a controlling boyfriend, who wanted her to return to San Diego, and she found that distance from him diminished his control over her. She was moving into a different kind of lifestyle in Oklahoma, when my wife and I made a decision to move from Oklahoma to California, both for family reasons and to pursue better job situations. Maryam at first didn’t want to go back to California, then decided that it would be OK, and we all traveled to California together. We invited her to live with us, but she declined, and in a few months got a traveling opportunity with a travel writer, and spent a year in Australia. When she came back she got into the adult business, according to her interviews.

She didn’t tell me all the truth of her professional work, so I’m not sure how and when things took place. I feel somewhat responsible for where her life went in California, because if we had stayed in Oklahoma, and she had remained there, it’s doubtful she would have gotten involved in the adult scene. Yet, given the reasons for making the choice at the time, I can’t blame myself too harshly. I told my friend this, and he agreed that his decisions, too, were ones he had to make for various reasons.

As for influencing Maryam in any way that would have directed her to the adult business and her tragic death, I have no weight on my conscience. She received total and unconditional love from both of her parents, and full support for her wishes and opinions. As an only child she had no competition for her parents’ affection and admiration, and she had a loving circle of friends and relatives (for the most part). In her mid-teens she endured the break-up of her parents’ relationship, and although she approved of our divorce when that decision was made, there was a two year period when the family circle that had been strong for most of her youth began to erode. However, both her mother and I remained committed to her well-being, and she was a good daughter to us by her return love and affection.

She and I continued a close relationship even when I moved away from California. She visited me in each place I moved to, including Arizona, Michigan, and Oklahoma. She wanted to know what was happening in my life, and wanted to meet and approve of the new people in my life.

She often mentioned that I did not know some of the things that happened to her in high school and in later years, and said that one day she would shock me with the details. In a discussion just months before her death, she said she wanted to challenge me with gross stories about our lives, in which we would one-up the other in the telling of sinful things we did. I told her that she would probably win, but I was game. We didn’t get the chance, but it was one of her hints to me that she may not be the innocent girl I wanted to believe her to be. She knew very well how I felt about her, and believed I would be disappointed and hurt by her immorality. She may have accepted that I was pretty open-minded, but she realized that a father, no matter how liberal-minded, doesn’t want his beloved daughter to be involved in activities of a degrading nature. Still, she was willing to take the chance of my displeasure, because ultimately, she didn’t want to keep secrets from me, as I never kept any from her.

But I would prefer to have her with me now, telling me all the gory details, laughing them off or trying to reconcile them in my soul, than living in darkness from her absence. The hole in my heart is every growing, and one day will consume it.

January 18, 2009. I forgot to mention a remark I made a while back. According to her father, Haley had married a man who she loved, but it turned out he mainly wanted to become a permanent citizen. When she realized this, she was deeply hurt.  Here’s my comment:  Isn’t it ironic that she would not resent being a sex object in adult films but be appalled that someone  was using her purely for immigration purposes. It’s too bad though that it didn’t work out. Disappointment is disappointment, I guess. I guess you can distance yourself from the theatrical nature of the adult business, but you can’t laugh off a failed relationship as easily.

January 18, 2009. Here’s an interesting quote from a parent who knew her before she went into porn (From pornstarsupdate.com–warning NSFW)

Her name was MIRIAM and I knew her when she was a teen, her and my son were good friends…she was a sweet girl! I asked my son about MIRIAM just yesterday, if she was ok, if she ever got out of this demon business called Porn and he told me she was dead, murdered…by her husband! I knew MIRIAM, she loved only 1 man, his name is Jason or “T” for short! Not my son, but my former neighbor here in San Diego, California,,,Spring Valley to be exact! MIRIAM was a good young woman who went terribly wrong after the break up…! I always asked about her, if she was ok…and then I was told this…May the Lord have mercy on her, she did not deserve this, MIRIAM was not “Haley”…MIRIAM was a person, not trash and she deserves respect and the kind love she finally can have in the arms of the angels!

February 17, 2009. Thoughts from her dad about her unusual name:

Maryam’s spiritual vibe begins with her name, which is one of my favorite names, it’s the Persian rendition of Mary; her middle name, Irene, is after a courageous woman in Parral, Chihuahua, Mexico, near the town where Maryam was born in 1981, so she began life with a rich spiritual heritage. Her friends prior to her adult movie career have much the same feelings for her as Zach has expressed. In life she impressed with her tender sweetness, her devotion to her mother and father and close friends. She trusted easily, gave her heart freely, and attacked her challenges and desires with a ferocious passion. Since early childhood, when she dedicated her powers to accomplish something, she never failed. She applied her power gently, but with unbending will power. Although I lament her choice of medium, I am both amazed and proud of her accomplishment. Reactions such as Zach’s, one of many that praise her spiritual beauty as more meaningful than her sexuality, gratify me and increase my amazement and appreciation of the lovely soul I helped bring into the world.

January 15, 2010. Another post from a friend on pornstarupdates:

She was my friend. I knew her since she was 13. I wish she still was alive. That person who said she was the mom of a friend of hers seems to mean well but obviously only knew her as a little girl. She didn’t only love one person. That is silly. No matter what anyone said to her or did to her, you could never really “touch” her. She went thru a number of traumatic events in her life, starting when she was a child and she learned that no matter what happens to you, you always have yourself. No one can take that away. So sex was not as big of a deal to her. It was like walking or riding a bicycle. It was nothing. That Wang guy could never really “have” her. You can never really “have” anyone. And so he killed her and he still didn’t “have” her. The last email she wrote to me was simple the last line was “We won”. You may not understand what that means but I don’t give a shit. She and I do…

Jan 15 2011 Update. Here’s a charming and honest 9 minute interview with Haley Paige. There’s a little about working in the porn industry, but mostly it’s about her life and perspective. She mentions a fiance in her interview — I’m assuming that she is talking about her first marriage, which was a show marriage to get a man his green card in 2005. She also mentioned some of her dreams: to travel, to work in real estate, to be a mom. She said she only did porn for the money and did a lot of work — almost every day. When asked, her greatest moment in her life was when she got her first apartment.

February 2012. Here’s a comic excerpt (it’s on youtube and totally safe for work!)  from a porn film where Haley and her partner were having some fun. Apparently this silly dialogue has now become famous….

April 2012 Update. Wikipedia has some SFW casual and unposed shots of Maryam on porn sets. Interesting, but her father’s photos of her (linked to at the top) are much better– he is an avid photographer.

{ 127 comments… read them below or add one }

Brian January 15, 2008 at 7:10 pm

I agree, if she had lived a little longer she probably would’ve gotten out of porn and off drugs. Its really a shame because I think if she could’ve followed her dreams she would’ve been so very happy. I never met her but I feel she was a really good person in a bad business. Wow she really would’ve been somthing. She was somthing special. Rest in peace Maryam

kerguelen February 13, 2008 at 11:02 am

A very good post about a nice person, written with respect and compassion. Sadly there are not many posts like this on the net.
Thanks, you Idiot!
I miss you Maryam, rest in peace.

KLH February 19, 2008 at 4:13 am

Well, I knew her since she was in highschool and I am very sad but honored to have known her.

kerguelen February 19, 2008 at 12:50 pm

To KLH
Obviously these are creditable feelings. Thanks KLH!

Robert-Paul March 19, 2008 at 10:18 am

Today is the fist time i have heard of it. It is a shock to me. I liked her very much. It is a damn shame to judge her because of her job. She did something good. She calmed certain people down. Frustrated guys who would make other people(girls) responsible for their problems. I feel so sorry for her. I wish the story of her destiny will open some minds. Using Porn can save your life, if you are depressed. It keeps the rape-rate low, too. It is the best alternative for a relationship. If the society would have accept pornography earlier, the game would be probably cleaner and better endued with psychological help for the actresses. I hope the game will change. May Maryam Irene Haley REST IN PEACE. I hope her pain is over…
In deepest sympathy, a guy from germany

Darryl Cashio April 3, 2008 at 5:34 am

I am going to attempt to write very ernestly about this subject and this person because I have been fascinated with her for a few years now. There was a quality in this girl of a lost soul looking for love that came out even in her brutal sex-scenes.
She was younger than any of my children and I could say I didn’t like seeing her doing what she was in the clips and videos I witnessed, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I lost any lustful drive to see her, I just was obsessed with HER. I really wondered about her back story and what she was doing in the porn industry. It was watching a tragedy unfold, as we are so wont to these days. On television realty shows, game shows, entertainment news shows. We want to watch “real” drama, “real” lives destroyed or altered before our eyes. All to feed the beast of our our bellies, to consume these faces and lives we see on our screens. Why do we feel that the fleeting panacea of celebrity or “fame” guarantees the performers some immunity from tragedy. Or is it that we seek the immunity within our own lives as we watch these poor unfortunate “others” …No, not us! We are protected, we are insulated. We are watchers, protected by the sheild of our computer screens or televisions from the insanity we witness. I genuinely liked the girl. She wasn’t a plastic poser, so comfortable in her sexuality. You could see her vulnerability as clearly as you saw her body. Her sweetness, her shyness. And yes I fed off of this. But not without guilt, or without questions. And now she is gone. She won’t pull out of the self-destructive road she headed down. I lost a wife to this madness and Maryam reminded me of my 2nd daughter. My wife and all my children were also Capricorns with birthdays so close to hers. I felt a bond with this girl. Then I read her body was released to her parents on my birthday. All of this affected me deeply and I am ashamed that I did nothing for this girl, never contacted or talked to her. I read her affidavit concerning her divorce and got an insight into the torture she endured in her search for real affection. The main part of that self-inflicted and misguided. But I believe she thought she was slaying demons. Fighting the dragon that made her afraid all her life. Looking for that sanctuary we all desire. The arms of someone to love, someone who loves us. And that safe place within, warm, glowing feeling of belonging somewhere and with someone.
Thanks for listening, and for remembering.

Moe April 20, 2008 at 12:02 pm

Just FYI: the bastardly link you have above has changed to this:

http://www.bastardly.com/haley-paige-at-avn-2006-in-las-vegas

Pornographer April 21, 2008 at 5:32 pm

I knew Hailey only briefly. Those who are not in our industry do not understand our industry. Its hard on people and especially the woman, bot dont think for a minute we are worse than Mainstream or the Music business…. Women know they are here for Sex. Hailey, you were a special person, caught up in lots of wrongs. May God hold you in his hands until you and your family may sit and watch the worlds below again. It takes things like this to happen, for people to realize life is precious. It takes even less time for people to forget and go right back to what they were doing… You will never be foregotten, but forever missed….

Tom April 30, 2008 at 10:51 pm

I find it hard to believe she has died. It struck me in the heart at first, but there is something amiss. She is reported to have died on Aug. 21 , 2007. When you check her myspace page. Her last reported login was Aug. 18, 2007. She was reported missing for such a long time before then yet she could login? strange wouldnt you say.

Robert Nagle April 30, 2008 at 11:51 pm

Tom, I have to agree. It seems strange, especially since her boyfriend died a month later apparently. A detective or family member might have been able to login, but that doesn’t explain the delay in time. Her father is writing a book about Haley, so maybe in good time we’ll find more answers.

Tom May 4, 2008 at 6:59 am

My own sadness could be deceiving me. It would just be great if maybe she was just very adamant about getting out, decided to fake her death. Another porn star did the same some time ago. I wasnt much of a fan of porn but its interesting the route people take in life.

kerguelen May 4, 2008 at 9:51 am

Haley’s father confirmed her death on Bastardly’s site and posted photos of the funeral ceremony.And there are official records. I also think that Chico Wang (not a good name for my ears) would not have commit suicide if Haley was still alive. Lastly planning such a terrible thing doesn’t seem to fit with Haley’s character.
I’m sorry Tom, Haley is really gone.But I should say, you’re not the only person to wish that all this tragedy was just a fake.

Tom May 5, 2008 at 11:41 am

Can you provide link to the funeral ceremony and records? i saw one print. Also where is there information on the book being published? Thanks!

Robert Nagle May 5, 2008 at 11:55 am

I’ll update this URL about any additional information as it becomes available. Writing a book and getting it published are two separate events.

madmerv May 8, 2008 at 10:22 pm

LA is just a gross place and that’s where most of the porn is (Van Nuys) — bums don’t ask for money, they just scream at the top of their lungs, and the outside aesthetic of L.A. is a prison.

Tom May 9, 2008 at 11:55 am

LA has really turned bad i think. Last time I was out there it just looked run down. Its never been perfect with the exception of the more wealthy areas but it seems like trash isn’t confined to a certain area, u can find it anywhere…

chamade216 May 31, 2008 at 5:02 am

hey, it’s so sad, I cant’ belive she died, i’ve read about she might have set up her death, I hope she’s done that to escape from the industry.

bkbbowling June 27, 2008 at 12:11 am

I just found out today. She was one of my favorites. She was so beautiful and seemed so nice. I feel very strange about watching her work now. She died 10 months ago and I had no idea. And her boyfriend comitted suicide a month later? This could be a movie. It’s just so shocking and tragic.

ss1955 July 4, 2008 at 4:18 am

Haley’s death was unknown to me until today. For 3 years I have researched some of the hidden ways porn is used as mind control. There are things we do not see or hear that our brain detects, and it is turning performers, film makers, and of course consumers into slaves. This is an industry filled with evil, greed, and hatred. Some of the films I saw Haley in, she looked like an innocent, lost and terrified child. Something other than her sexuality reached out and pulled on my heart strings as if her inner being was crying for help. As a recovering Heroin addict of 24 years, I can say it is not easy to ask for help, in such a judgemental world. Her life could not have been enjoyable those last few years. We can only wonder what she might have become, had that smile been allowed to blossum. God rest her soul, she deserved better. This is such a sad and tragic ending for such a beautiful young woman.

Skip July 11, 2008 at 12:02 am

The Hardcore Porn that Haley was involved in represents the most immoral and destructive influence the World has ever seem (other than War and Torture). It’s sick that this type of thing has now become mainstream in American Society and shows just how far the US-Israel Empire has fallen. Moral Decay has been one of the principal reasons for the demise of many Empires. I fear the US-Israel Empire is on the way out as we descend in the stench and rot of Porn.

james July 15, 2008 at 4:26 am

i think she looked like a scared child sometimes, something in the eyes rip x

Phil July 18, 2008 at 12:28 pm

Pornographic films have become one of the most harmfull influences to society. I am saddened by the way in which girls get drawn into the porn industry, drugs, money or promises of fame. These evil people who profit from the misery of young people who started life as someones daughter,decent, honest and innocent, only to be decieved into joining this evil industry should be stopped. We do not have to worry about the distruction of our society by the threat of evil from outside, we are doing a pretty good job ourselves from within.

Karen July 24, 2008 at 12:31 am

Miram was her name and she was nothing like a porn star as I knew her as a teen. She was close friends and school mates with my son. Miriam dated my neighbor Jason, aka “T” akk thru her high school years in San Diego. Miriam was sweet, funny, kind and would pop over to say HI when she was at ‘T’s apt next door! I just found out about this murder yesterday while taking to my son Jesse. I felt so sad inside to know she died like this and in a business that just was not Miriam or anything she wanted in life! Miriam was smart, intellectual and very much a free spirit, but in a good way…how she got into this, I can only guess! I can see she was lost somehow, she was an innocent…! Her pain is over now, may she rest in the arms of the angels…

robert August 13, 2008 at 7:04 pm

Just by accident I found out that Hailey (Miram) is dead – what a terrible loss and waste…and a senseless and lonely death. She always gave the impression of being a beautiful, funny and quirky person – how sad that she had no one to truly help her.

kerguelen August 20, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Dear mr Nagle,

I want to thank you for the constant and respectful interest you show about Maryam Haley. I greatly appreciate your efforts for keeping this blog updated.
I am the person who reposted the long letter of Maryam’s father with his approval in the Bastardly thread . Due to some technical failures I was forced to broke the original letter in thirtheen small posts. You were skilled enough and patient for collecting these tiny posts. Infortunately when you did this the post nine had disappeared from the site (it’s a recurring problem on this thread, I noticed the same thing happened to one of your own comments). I don’t know if you can edit what is already written on your blog but I repost here for you the 9th missing comment. His place should be between “he had done it while drunk” and “just a couple of weeks after those disturbing phone calls”
Here the comment:

“We decided, though, never to leave her alone in his presence. Wich wasn’t hard to do since we seldom visited them overnight again. He visited us once in Mexico before he died, but he stayed in a hotel and we made sure he wasn’t alone with Maryam. We never discussed the event with my sister or even brought it up to Maryam again. How she remembered it, I don’t know. But as I tried to explain the episode to her on the phone when she called, she kept saying things like, “Why didn’t you protect me from him?” Then suddenly, Chico came on the phone, and started a rant about me allowing her uncle to molest Maryam, and he was going to tell the authorities. I hung up on him, but he called about 8 more times over the next week or two, and I still have the taped messages. Each time he called he ranted for five or ten minutes (I never picked up to talk to him). A few times Maryam’s voice is heard in the background, sobbing and saying, “Dad! Dad!” Like a call for help.

At first I was angry with her as well as Chico. In an email that Chico sent, he said he wanted us to pay him $100,000 for all the money he spent on Maryam’s addiction, or he would tell the authorities that I allowed her to be molested and probably molested her myself. I found out that he made the same calls to Maryam’s mother and to my sister.”

End of the excerpt. As for the previous comments you posted here, I didn’t alter the writings of Maryam’s father. I hope you know he answered to you on the bastardly’s thread.

One last thing. Tomorrow will mark the first anniversary of Maryam Haley’s death. We can think about the past but not alter it. However mr Nagle I greatly appreciate your optimistic tone when you write about the possible life of Maryam Haley after the Industry. Like you I think it’s a sad story by his tragic outcome but I refuse the idea of an already written fate. One more time, thank you!

PS: on a different and more happy topic, I wish you a good travel in Europe!

Robert Nagle August 21, 2008 at 12:24 am

Kerguelen, thanks for the update. Those phone calls make the tragedy all the more appalling.

kerguelen August 21, 2008 at 4:40 am

Mr Nagle, I am glad you were able to make good use of my last post.
Surely, there would be a lot of comments to do but today is not the good day.

kerguelen August 21, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Mr Nagle, I am sorry for being so intrusive but I think you misunderstood the meaning of the 21st August. Check Wikipedia.

(Reply from Robert): Thanks you are right. I corrected this.

Joel August 23, 2008 at 11:40 pm

I’m so shocked to find out about Maryam, It was always fun to look her up on the internet and
see how her career was going. I saw her listed under wikipedia, I got excited for her,
only to find out see had passed. I knew her in 2001 when she lived in Tulsa, she was good
friends with my girlfriend. She was a free spirit and you would of liked her the minute you
meet her. She ran around with us for a few months before she went back to California. A couple
quick stories with Maryam.I went to
an Ani Defranco concert with her, she made me hang around for about an hour and a half after
the concert, she was in love with Ani, but we didn’t get to meet her.
She was such a funny little girl, sometimes she would say strange things, but she was always
so happy, always smiling. She had my girlfriend and I go to a strip club with her one night, the place was
a dump but you only had to be 18 to get in. Maryam had never been to one and she just wanted
to she what it was like, we had a good time.
After finding about her death, I spent a few hours reading these blogs and other things under her name.
It feels good to have known her, she really was here a short time and for her life to end in such
a tragedy hurts. It sounds like in the end the heroin got her and she just couldn’t change what
her life had become. I always thought I would bump into her again one day and I would be able
to tell her that she had become famous just like she’d always wanted to.

Maryam the Free Spirit you will be missed, Goodbye

almansor August 24, 2008 at 12:42 am

Hello,
I learned about Maryams passing away about 4 months ago. I can tell you, live is hell since then. I mean it´s not that my life was alot better before, but those things I´ve learned on bastardly craweld into my spine and froze something inside of me…something important I can no longer use to keep me happy.

The fate of this poor young beatiful woman, the horror, grief and mourning Mr. Haley had to suffer and has to still.

Maryams life and death, all these completely wrong, “insane” decisions, that let her, over years, to this tragic end, this big shit sandwich casted a shadow on my soul that will last forever.

And all the time you´re waiting, month for month, for some new informations about her death. Something that could enlighten it all a bit more.

And then, around this tragic aniversary of dies irae, Ken came up with the toxoligy report and the info that the course of events is still unknown.

First I believed that the Wanker killed her. You know it´s so hard to understand how a young kind and beautiful person like Maryam could mary a man that was always drunk and agressive, that was some sort of pimp to her, made a lot of money with her precious little body, had beaten her up, pistol whiped her, degraded and hurt her so many times and I just don´t want the fuck know what else he did to her, and last but not least, was in prison for two years for kidnapping, beating up and raping his ex girlfriend.
All I want to know is why she stuck to him. A guy she should have ran away from as fast and as far as she could. We will never know…

But like I said, first I beliefed she was murdered by him, because of the informations she had about him and the threatenings to go to the authorities. He killed her in an affect, the cops let him go and he fled to an unknown place so no one could find him if he would be charged with murder some days later. Seems logical.
Even his death seems logical since he was such a fuckin coward. You don´t need much confidence to beat up young girls.

But then I learned about the financial problems the couple had. They seemed totaly broke. I read Maryam even considered to go back into business and again f… for money, abuse her body, for us all to see, for this wanker basterd and the drugs (Or us wanker basterds. If she had not passed away, we would still pull our willies to the sound of her mouning, a symphony of destruction).

Lately I even learned about the problems Wanker had with his rich family and how he was a total disgrace to his folks.

So we have a big amount of debts and a mighty disgaced asian family.

The thought comes near, that Maryam probably was the victim of a contract kill.

You may think now, this guy has seen far to much telly, but just think about it a little while.

It even could have been accidentaly. It could be Wanker who was the aim, but Maryam got killed incedentally.

All you need is someone who tracked them down, dressed like a waiter with a poison that could not be detected by the authorities. Seems like the investigation was quite slipshod and there are lots of poisons that can´t be detected even by the best guys in that business.

And what if Wanker borrowed the money from some sort of high influental gang members or some kind of mafia people. Like I said, even Wankers family could have hired a hitman to end Wankers live…that would explain the “flight” of the couple into the unknown. Maybe Maryam knew a lot more than we have come to think. Maybe she knew about the danger that was hauntig them and agreed because of that to run and hide with Wanker. Maybe thats the reason why they headed for San Diego, for Maryam insisted to see her mother again one last time. Maybe thats the reason why Wanker was found half out of bed, like he tried to get away, with Maryams pills in his bloodstream.
I don´t think Wanker killed her….even though I think he is responsible for her dead.

But if it all happened like that…we will never know it.

I hope that this case will become famous. I hope that some poets and musicians will pick it up to write books and albums about Maryams fate so it will save the precious lifes of thousands of young girls that, even in this very minute, decide to do the same mistakes she did…to throw their lifes away for money drugs and fame.
Those poor unknowing girls in America and of course all those poor girls in eastern Europe and Russia, where life is far less worth than in the west.

Rest In Peace Angel. You opened my eyes….

Armando (from Naples, Italy) August 28, 2008 at 5:49 am

I have no words… tonight I have known Maryam passed away… so sad…

I like porn movies, I like porn… bad, good? I dont really know… bad or good are in everything, bad choices in every act, everyone everywhere can make mistakes… Haley was a porn actress but this is not the point… we make our life, and our life (all that is around us) makes us… some people are strong, others not… some go forward, other subside… It’s the Story… Porn is only a box full of the same things that are everywhere…
In the world there are lots of girls that use drugs, meet bad guys etc… several of them die but no one remember them on web… Porn doasnt make the difference…

this is not a justification for what happens in the Porn Industry (and in the world), but do we really can change these things? maybe yes… maybe no

I only Know that someyhing in my mind and in my heart changes…

Ciao Maryam…

Dennis Gearon September 11, 2008 at 1:18 am

It was easy to see in her films that she was a trusting and giving young woman. I’ve met a few in the field and exotic dancers as well. Eventually, the do get out of it, how damaged not even they know. It would have been nice to know someone who’s soul shone that way hers did make it out of ‘the industry’ on a healthy path to some self love and happiness. Let’s all hope that for the workers who are currently in the porn industry. Give them a little love with a genuine smile and kind comment – let them know they are a human being by being one towards them. All the best, folks.

paul richards September 22, 2008 at 4:45 am

What a terrible loss. If she had not died so early in her life, just think how many more dicks she would have brought joy to. She really enjoyed getting paid for her hobby.

James Houser October 2, 2008 at 8:25 am

From day 1 when I discovered her videos Haley jumped to the top of my favorites list. I was attracted not only to the raw, enthusiastic joy she brought to her scenes but also to the person that came through. I researched her and discovered she was not the normal porn star but had a myriad of interests. I’m pissed that someone like Chico Wang exploited her weaknesses ultimately leading to her death. I was upset when I learned of her death and am still sad about it.

P October 8, 2008 at 1:51 am

RIP Maryam.

Carl Francis October 9, 2008 at 6:57 am

My deepest compassion to haleys family and to haley. she was a very special and beautiful woman.

I wish her all the best, wherever she might be now.

Carl

Steve H October 19, 2008 at 2:05 pm

I just found out today about her. DAMN! She was so beautiful and with a glorious body and personality that shone through every frame.
I remember seeing her on some voyeur type stuff on StreetB***J**.com or something, like entry level and she seemed so warm and loving and innocent. It was a real thrill. And in time I did enjoy her scenes, as we dont know or typically follow back stories. But this one, of love, lust, drugs, money and murder (say what you will but hers is no accident) is just depressing and sad to no end.
Reading her fathers words, I almost cried. Here is a girl, who could have been a doctor, a lawyer or a teacher even, but she is gone too fast.

I am glad to hear that the man that likely killed her is also dead, but it pains me to know he went the easy way, rather than have her fans meat him in a dark alley and beat the shot out of him.
May Miriam rest in peace.

Now the reason I found out she was dead was from comments left on a site (redtube premium) which is still publishing scenes of her (updated as early as October 11…shes been gone for 14 months).Lets all send redtube email DEMANDING that they remove her videos.

Joe Reisert December 2, 2008 at 6:14 pm

Very sad I pray for haley

Joe Reisert December 2, 2008 at 7:42 pm

and her family rest in God will hold you now

Joe Reisert December 2, 2008 at 7:44 pm

Very sad I pray for Haley and her family Rest in peace God will hold you now

Scott December 5, 2008 at 1:58 pm

I found out Maryam died yesterday. I must admit it was her body that first drew me to her but her eyes told a different story. When i looked into Maryam’s eyes she looked so sad. But even today as i finished reading other peoples postings, i feel like something inside me has changed. I feel a little empty inside, and i know it’s crazy to say that about someone you’ve never met or known, but I truly am saddened and hurt by her death. Where ever she is now i hope god holds her close and keeps her safe from the evils she could not escape in this world. Rest In Peace Maryam.

Jimmy December 14, 2008 at 12:26 pm

I knew the porn industry was an empire of evil, that ruined peoples lives, but this story definately strikes a nerve. Even for a former Marine. I think for all of us who look at porn need to take a good look at ourselves. I can no longer look at porn with out an extreme feeling of guilt(although I always felt dirty from it anyways). Bassicaly all of us who by, websearch, or rent porn are in a way responsible for her death and the demise of others. Because we are the customer base and without our $ the exploitation of these poor girls wouldn’t be possible. We can only pray for her soul, and our own souls for forgiveness in this Godless world. Because in the afterlife we probably will end up a bunch of demons with our eyes burned out, getting raped by Satan himself.

Titus December 15, 2008 at 2:35 pm

i just found out now that this woman is dead as i saw few mins ago a tribute movie for death porn stars there passed away in last years on youtube . its really sad that she died so young . if i see the pic’s of Maryam Irene Haley i feel that she is totaly sad deep indide her soul/mind. RIP Maryam

Greg December 17, 2008 at 1:58 am

Very sad to hear this; Just found out even though it’s old news. I thought she was a beautiful young woman. The article is very thoughtful and intellegent. It is so respectful but thought provoking. It is like strip clubs, porn and prostitution they really are not victimless. Drugs, OD’s, suicide and murder are not uncommon. Every one of these stories just makes me sad for these woman. Not judging but gee how can you not read this and not think about exploitation and how we might contribute to it by looking at it, even on the internet. The internet, girls gone wild and amateur porn has made it so accessible for average girls to get into porn and society to access it. Even the girls that survive, live through it, I can’t help but think a part of their soul is gone. They feel guilt and shame for the rest of their life. WOW! Depressing but a needed shock and depression. Society needs to wake up, there is a price to pay for sin. I am with Jimmy #40 on this. Porn is a colossal waste of time and even though it seems harmless to us it isn’t. No preaching, I have wasted enough time with it. It makes me sick now. It feels good to admit the guilt and the passing of this lady puts a face to it. I hope the porn industry would pull the DVD’s from circulation, but you know they will not. Sadly there are 100 other Hailey’s to take her place. Thanks Hailey for opening my eyes. I hope some good comes from your tragic death.

Dear Maryam, I’m so sad to hear of your passing, you deserved better, RIP.

James Cairns December 27, 2008 at 8:56 pm

After reading all these comments i came to the conclusion that Maryams departure from our visual lives has not been in vain. You are all beautiful people who make your own choices in this life, be it good or otherwise. Just think about it for a moment!. Maryam has brought us all together including her Parents. Not many people have the power to do that. God bless you Maryam and us. Maybe we could see a little bit of ourself in Maryam’s eyes ?

game January 8, 2009 at 9:21 am

As you watch the videos of the porn industry it is hard to think of the actors as real people i know for a long time I had that certain feeling. I had the shock of a lifetime today to find out she had passed on. As a fan of hers I couldnt believe what I was reading or that I had not known about it sooner, no news coverage, no breaking headlines nothing. Seeing the pictures of Maryam in her everyday life has changed the way I feel about porn as a whole. Watching her videos I had felt my self drawn to her and would always look for her. Now I dont know how I feel…. but to all those out their who have said who cares just another porn star, how dare you even if you dont approve of porn she was a beautiful human being and the world is that much darker without her. My condolences to her family and friends, and to Maryam…. I wish I could have known you in a different world. You will be missed by so many. RIP.

Scooter January 11, 2009 at 2:04 pm

I just found out about her death. I’ve watched the internet videos and all I see is a nice kid, doing something other people dislike, but so what about them.

Such a sweet smile, a pretty girl and I am sure a good kid at heart.

Nina Robinson January 17, 2009 at 5:23 am

I feel so broken hearted about Maryam death. I feel so sad when I see such beautiful girls sucked into the porn industry at any cost, let alone the few dollars they make now adays being abused by the males that run the porn industry.
Im so sad I cant stop crying. I love Maryam so much. Shes so pretty and so tender. When I go to chatrooms, I use her pretty photos because shes so pretty, and I always want her life to live on, which it does through me when I chat.
Im so sorry for all that has happened to you Maryam. God must have needed you so desperately to take you from us all, and placed you in heaven with him. I just know your laughing and smiling with him, and everyone with you.
Every time I wear your pretty smile, Im reminded of how special you are to us all. Your never gone Maryam, as long as you live in our hearts. I love you for ever, as many of us always will. God bless your soul and protect you always.

…Nina R

Al ..... February 1, 2009 at 5:57 am

Let’s not let Maryam’s passing be in vein. My addiction will certainly be curbed.

Bryan February 3, 2009 at 11:59 pm

This story has made me think twice about supporting the porn industry. These sex scenes are not innocent fantasies that exist in dreams; they are created by sad, sick/unhealthy, and angry thoughts that manifest on video explotation. I totally separate the reality of these stars from these “performances”. The same is true for other professions (average years for NFL career: 3 years!) When we turn off the TV or computer and stop the celebration, what happens to these souls, who bruise their bodies, brains, and spirits for us to be entertained. I care, so I must think about my actions. Am I lifting up or putting down another. No Angry word or action will solve this destruction. Only Love and Light will save another. Never underestimate the power of a kind word or action to another; sometimes all is needed is a smile to a stranger to save a life. We all just need meaning/purpose.
I AM

Andy February 9, 2009 at 11:18 pm

It amazes me that this story still gets the attention it does. A true testament to Maryam’s personality. There’s something magnetic about her. May her soul rest in peace…

don February 14, 2009 at 9:59 pm

Hope she is happy where ever she is. Never knew her, but I always thought there was something different about her, Something that was in her eyes that just seemed so innocent and kind. She is missed.

Marv February 18, 2009 at 6:40 pm

I hope the angels in heaven are looking after you Maryam you are deeply missed, will never be forgotten and forever in my prayers. RIP Maryam

JD March 28, 2009 at 11:02 pm

Haley’s website is still up and running. I hope that is a sign that she is alive and well somewhere and now profiting from her performances. Otherwise, who would be interested in keeping that website running?

Martin March 29, 2009 at 1:36 am

Just found out, like many others, that she is not with us anymore. I always tought she had something special. I feel sad tonight, really… I was a fan of course and she was a good performer. So beautifull. But now I realize that the character i loved, was in fact a sweet girl irl who deserved a different life, an happy one. With people around who really love her and protect her from others and maybe herself.
Sadly, we cant do much about it now, but we still can do something for others, people that we may know. Porn or not, there is a lot of people in need of help. We cant help everyone, but at least we could do something about the friends and family that we care about.
I will, in the future, pay more attention. Her death was not in vain, at least for me.
She wont be forgotten.
From what i can read everywhere she was an angel in her life, no reason she’s not one in her next…

Devil April 24, 2009 at 4:02 am

Like everyone i m also her fan not because she was working in porn industry but after reading these blog. l have seen her movies but didn’t knew that Maryam is such a sweet girl i feel bad about what has happen with her may she be alive in peoples heart for year’s may her soul rest in peace.and god bless her family and friends

Devil April 24, 2009 at 4:10 am

I think what ever has happen with maryam is not right because a sweet and beautiful girl like maryam deserves a good and better life may her soul rest in peace

Case April 24, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Maryam was a light in a dark industry. She had a spark to her that could not be denied and though i’ve never met her i am extremely saddened by the circumstances of her death. I remember reading her bio a few years back and even then i was saddened that such a flower wasn’t allowed to truly blossom. She accomplished much in her career and I thank her for that. Perhaps her flower will truly blossom when the seed she has planted within all of our minds blossoms. That seed being a light on the darkness of her industry and a cautionary tale to girls entering the business.

To Maryam’s father, I am sorry for your loss. I thank you for sharing your story with us.

Ali Denad May 4, 2009 at 2:07 am

This post was beautiful….I dont have a problem with porn, but I do have a problem with what it does to women.

When I saw Haley, I immediately thought what a young innocent girl. So sad.

arnold May 7, 2009 at 1:52 am

ITS BEEN ALMOST 2 YEARS AFTER HER DEATH. AND IT HITS ME HARD IVE NEVER MET HER BUT I SAW SOME VIDEOS AND LATER BOUGHT SOME. WHEN I FOUND OUT SHE WAS MEXICAN I WAS AT AHHHED. I CAME ACROSS YOUTUBE VIDEO AND SAW HER NAME OF DECEASED PORNSTARS. IT MADE ME WANT TO CRY AND LATER WAS FREAKED ON HOW SHE HAD A DRUG PROBLEM. MY SISTER WENT THREW THE WHOLE DRUG WORLD IT SCARED ME THAT I COULD ACTAULLY SEE HER THREW HAILEYS LIFE I COULDNT FUNCTION TODAY. I HOPE THE BEST TO HER FAMILY AND HOPE THAT HER CAREER DOESNT DEFINE HER/ BUT IM GLAD THAT SHE LEFT HER STAMP/ ON THE WORLD.

Mark Proctor May 9, 2009 at 7:50 pm

Very, very sad. I’ve read all about Miriam and her short life. What I can gather from being a child until her death she was very unfortunate with the people she met. From her molesting uncle , gang raped, control freak in Australia, married a guy who just wanted American citizen ship and then Wang. All complete low lives who eventually sucked the life out of this kind, loving human being. I don’t think it’s fair to say she was a porn star and thats what happens. She was making a living like the rest of us do, and if you have ever watched any of her movies she was different to the norm. Very natural, hardly any make up, natural body, no tatoo’s. Very girlfriend like. I think in her final months with Wang, her self esteem was low she was depressed and the only person she felt she had was Wang. Wang himself was low the two of them together was going to end in disaster. Reading between the lines, I think this was a mutual suicide where Wang didn’t go through with it intially. Strange that there has never been an update from the post mortem. Obviously this is a maybe. Almanser’s idea that it could have been a contract kill for Wang but got Miriam instead could also be true. We will never know. I just hope there is a heaven and Miriam is an angel as she was on earth. Rest in Peace Miriam.

Andy May 15, 2009 at 11:49 pm

People are human beings, no matter what. There are no exceptions. There are some people however who post videos on You Tube that have obviously forgotten this undeniable fact. They call themselves Pleasant Productions and they have posted a video called Horrible (aka Porn Friends), in widescreen, on You Tube, that makes light of Hailey’s tragic death. Anyone who cares about Hailey’s memory and the already severely damaged emotions of her friends and family, please post comments on this tasteless video they have posted and try to appeal to what ever decency they may have left within them to remove their thoughtless joke from You Tube. If that doesn’t work, then maybe we could convince the people at You Tube to remove it themselves.

Robert Nagle May 16, 2009 at 2:15 am

Hi, Andy, I don’t think the video is about her and I can see how you might call it tasteless. But I think it had a message, and it was about the weird porno friends at college, not the porn stars themselves. (I’m not a big fan of it though).

Trying to get off from the pornographic image of an actress who met a tragic end is a kind of statement about the pathetic world we live in. We are fed the lie that people in the porn business are happy normal people. Maybe some are, but some are not. It calls attention to the fact that we are fixating on faraway people whom we will never be able to get to know. Think about Britney, O.J. Simpson, etc.

I’m sure there are cases where the porn actress had a relatively “normal” career even though she had a nasty personal life. Another actress Shauna Grant killed herself and was often drugged out, but a number of the films she made are watchable and even pleasant. There’s a film called All American Girls 2 in Heat, which was a nice and sensuous movie. Paul Thomas’ Virginia with Shauna was also a very polite film (even though the incest fantasy would probably bother people). In the PBS documentary on Shauna, her friends described her as depressed and said she didn’t really enjoy sex that much. But the movies are harmless enough and commemorate her youth. I personally believe that Shauna wouldn’t have a problem with people masturbating to her porn movies, though she might think it strange.

One might be able to argue that all porn is demeaning, but I don’t believe that at all. But nowadays to be a “successful” porn actress, you are expected to make a few hundred movies with offensive titles, all of which are gross and forgettable. I’m sure Hailey didn’t like some films she was in but liked some others. (That is why I mentioned Paul Thomas’ The Villa, which I’m sure was fairly classy to watch–even though i never have watched it). If anyone has seen The Villa, feel free to mention your opinions.

I think living a double life takes a toll on adult actresses in ways we cannot imagine. Even if they were ok with the idea of making porn at the time, later they may have had to confront the stigma later on. The most hopeful thing about Hailey’s life is that she made a sort of reconciliation with her father at the end, that she received unconditional acceptance from her father and others. It is much too depressing to imagine that this reconciliation never happened. Every person’s personal situation is different, and we may not be able to understand what might seem normal to a person in the adult video industry (lots of things seem topsy turvy), but based on the father’s descriptions, I think Hailey was pretty well-grounded –even though she may have had a drug addiction. She definitely would have bounced back.

To put it another way: if Hailey were in heaven, don’t you think she would want viewers to appreciate at least a few of the porn films she worked on? Maybe she hated the industry (that’s likely), but I’m sure she made friends and didn’t believe all the porn films were a waste of time. Linda Lovelace was a victim, but that is a very unusual case. Suppose I spent my life writing stupid horror films. If I met a tragic end, I would certainly want future viewers to enjoy things I worked on. Immortality is not a bad consolation prize. From my limited mundane perspective, it would seem to be better to be remembered for something positive than simply to become another victimization statistic. Ultimately though, maybe it’s presumptuous of me to make statements about what an actress might want to be known for. What do I know? The fact is that everybody toils and convinces oneself that this toil has value. Porn is about beauty and sensual dreams; it certainly has the possibility for transcendent qualities. For people reading this, how many of you have jobs with the possibility to give people some form of pleasure 20 or 50 years later? How many readers have a permanent record of their beautiful youthful body and spontaneous sexual energy? Perhaps I am simply trying to rationalize the porn genre itself, but I’d like to think that in the few hundred movies Hailey appeared in, a handful are worth appreciating.

Andy May 17, 2009 at 2:33 am

I understand that the video posted on You- Tube was more or less about people who watch porn and that they were trying to make some kind of statement about the strangeness of watching people you’ve never met have sex on camera, but I still think that their joke was told in extremely poor taste and that it was very disrespectful to Hailey and her friends and family. There is talk on the video about her naked rotting corpse being chewed on by animals as well as talk about how saggy her breasts might have gotten had she lived to grow old. Maybe they didn’t intend to be cruel, but I’d say they definitely succeeded at it, regardless of whatever intentions they might have had. I am not opposed to people having sex on camera, I personally became aware of Hailey via an internet porn site and I was taken back by her natural beauty as well as the way she stood out from most of the other people in porn. You could see some thing in her eyes, her facial expressions, as well as her mannerisms that suggested there was something very, very sweet about her, so I decided to Google her name to see if I could learn anything about her as a person and I was mortified to find out that she had died and that she’d possibly even been murdered. I have since learned a bit more about her from this site and various information sites, and I have been pleased to learn my initial impression about her was correct, and at the same time I’ve become even sadder about her death, as well as the pain she’d endured in her life. I just wish that so many people would stop acting like those who perform in these movies are worthless, disposable pieces of crap who probably don’t even have souls and who’s very deaths can become fodder for humor. If people In this world would be more loving and less judgmental, I think that tragedies such as Hailey’s would be avoided most of the time. I just hope that her friends and family can forgive some of these seemingly thoughtless people, if only for the sake of their own emotional well being. I would also like to say how deeply I appreciate this wonderful website you have set up in her honer. It’s good to see that there are people kind enough to make such an effort.

sad May 18, 2009 at 2:06 pm

i am so sad! i just found this out like 5 minutes ago. and i am in complete shock! i just now watched one of her movies, and i was googling her and i seen this!

Mark Proctor May 21, 2009 at 3:55 pm

The video on you tube has nothing to do with Haley Paige although there are some things similar. Basically the guy mastubating is watching porn with no thought to the people on film being human beings. Once his friend tells him that the female porn star was dead, it rings home that this person was real and not just a fantasy. Although in very bad taste it still has relevance.

Mark Proctor May 22, 2009 at 10:53 am

Here is a link to Maryam Haley memorial. You can register and send some virtual flowers for free. http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GSln=haley&GScid=188400&GRid=36497802&

jeff from ireland June 2, 2009 at 9:35 pm

cant believe ur gone haley… only found out recently…loved ur personality and beautiful face… ill never forget u. Rest in peace. love jeff

Jennifer August 14, 2009 at 6:04 am

I am terribly sorry fo this families loss and I wish them all the best… I am in the adult entertainment industry as well and I had to say that what we do is an act its not real… the actors and actresses have normal lives outside of work. some performers are married or have children. I am currently goin to school… people u shouldn’t focus on her career choice it didn’t change the fact that she was still a person that liked to have fun and lead a normal life… we all do its all just a job leave what she did as a job alone she was still a beautiful wonderful woman and that’s how she should be remembered… rip and god bless the family!!!

kerguelen August 21, 2009 at 3:25 pm

Today, just this little note laid down here in order to remember.

Domino October 10, 2009 at 10:50 am

What a beautiful child she was.
I see a similar beauty sometimes in my partners face, when she is not blighted with her depression, and I thank god I am alive.

I can say truly that if I had the chance to have met her, she has an honest look and happy go lucky.
I would have given anything to be one who loved her and turn her life around on the business she was in.
Such a pity that she had to be with scum leading to her premature death she clearly deserved better.

It has made me think very differently on the majority of the porn industry and what it portrays and especially the sick men who uphold their sick values on the basis of it.

I think their should be a clear difference made between erotica (made for men and women including by women) and some of the other forms of exploitation.

I think there should be better support in the exploitative adult industry, such as mental care support.
This could be paid for by those that demand the use it and levied on the products they buy – by LAW ?
I think it could work and also reinforce whether the girls really want to be in it or if their are other means to their presence, ie drug habits.

We are ok to spend extra on organics/better treatment of farmlife? How about some better care for those exploited by the sex industry ?

Now there is another angel looking over us

Contra Costa guy October 16, 2009 at 1:17 pm

I feel like I share something with her in that i do feel inadequate and isolated and unloved and it sounds like these were her feelings…in her final days especially. She obviously was loved by her family and reading her father’s words have given me some sort of hope as well. I live near her gravesite and will be visiting with flowers soon. Rest in peace “beautiful one”!

I offer my condolences to her family.

Travis October 31, 2009 at 10:05 am

Maryam Haley, good bye, you’re smile was a gift to me the first time I saw you.
To the father, good luck to you. Be happy you had the chance to walk by her side.

frederick osorio November 15, 2009 at 6:37 pm

a hug to the parents of Maryam Haley my sympathy and that it is fraudulent for a father lost a son like me to read with great attention these words I write in the midst of this pain there is hope the death of Maryam Haley has not been in vain not known but it was a very sweet girl and not think that was common that it was kid porn producer that she was the girlfriend Maryam Haley was special in that world of porn where he was was different from the other poreso girls was that Chico Wanker fell in love with her the world is not real porn is destroying young teenagers is to show you a world fisticio women who likes to do all those things but it’s not porn actresses them do it for money and used to sit alone and that’s why drug-addicted please feel empty as soon as you read this there is a woman who was in that world where her daughter was and is helping many women and men to leave of that world with the help of Jesus Christ and God Jesus Christ wants to heal the pain you feel with the loss of your daughter just have to have faith to believe Maryam Haley god gave them to be his daughter I love them and we will overcome and the Maryam Haley’s death not in vain http://www.shelleylubben.com this is the page it is Christian exactrisporno see this as soon as possible please send me a mail to my Answers on page to know who read my name is frederick really want them well ahead with faith

frederick osorio November 15, 2009 at 6:54 pm

please forgive my English I do not speak English it was with a trductor I hope they understand that I say about her daughter Maryam Haley tell if they read my mail from the page that sends all the love with Jesus all things are possible

frederick osorio November 19, 2009 at 9:56 pm

Mr Ken Haley god bless my greetings to all his family wanted to know if I check the page that you send to represent yourself in family talk about their daughter there send me a message my email is frederick I love God wants to heal their pain, everything is possible with god this is the page greetings http://www.shelleylubben.com

Devil February 27, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Miss u Haley Loved u so much be happy where ever u r feeling bad for u

Ozzy March 11, 2010 at 9:13 pm

This story was probably the realest thing written about a performer in porn ever! I used to watch hours and hours of the stuff and had a hard time seperating the people from the porno. Now I appreciate the pretty girls in the REAL WORLD more. Instead of fake fantasy.

My point is we should all give more time and attention to the pretty girls and women doing positive things like working to make the world a better place. If we spent as much money on girl scout cookies and paying teachers for the good things they do instead of pornstars for the degrading acts they perform. The cycle would reverse. Let’s reverse the pattern.

Otis D. Ozzy

zepo April 28, 2010 at 4:50 pm

So what happened? Just they are both dead and that is it. No further investigations, no answers. She had methadone he had methadone, what the f..? Is this thing just swept under the rug? She was a fascinating person. The fact that he took her to the hospital makes me wonder. Someone needs to make a movie. period. Rest well and don’t worry about this earth M. RIP!!!! The answer may come someday.

Ange May 15, 2010 at 2:52 am

I loved Maryam. Maryam was an artist and a very smart, deep, quiet girl. She was political and angry too, she could have been a poet if she thought it would carry her through this world…In highschool she had a miserable boyfriend who she hated, someone who abused her, gave her desired drugs and told her he was the only one who would ever love her: Jason. Our last year of highschool she gave me a cigar box with Ani Difranco lyrics folded once. She took out pictures of fairies with butterfly wings she drew and showed them to me.
When she came to SF to visit with me a few months before she died she was very adult-like, ambitious. Her sweet little, but loud, feminine voice yelled out on every street corner and in each street car about the injustice of the world, the difference between LA and the quietude of the attitude of SF in comparison.
She was very honest but no one in her life followed suit, people around her were self serving and she was a victim and she let others know that injustice loud and clear…she was very straightforward.

Jacquie June 8, 2010 at 11:53 am

I am trying to get a hold of any family members of Maryam Haley. I work at a University where she attended and she still has a credit balance due to her . All the addresses that we have for her comes back “unclaimed”. The time issue is that if her parents do not claim this money it will turned in to the state contoller. Legally we have to wait and try for 3 years to find her or a family member and 3 years end next month. If you can help please give them my email address. jpaco32@yahoo.com

FROM ROBERT: DONE!

wguru August 15, 2010 at 8:21 pm

I only discovered Maryam (‘Haley’) yesterday and was so taken by her, I immediately began searching sites in order to find out who she was. Initially my heart sank when I read she’d died. Worse, I felt anger in finding her life had ended so sadly, but all in all (from what I can gather) she lived her life with the hand that was dealt her. I cannot say that if I were born a woman, that for the most part, I wouldn’t have found myself doing things much different that she did. People do just about whatever they have to in this cruel world, just to survive. I think that early on in her porn career, she actually enjoyed some of it (as I believe many of us would), but it’s plain to see that later on it took a spirtual toll on her as it would on anyone, given the screwed up way that the ‘society’ looks at sex. As for how the ‘powers’ that be, in this day and age, neglected to determine what killed her, that angers me because surely the circumstances warranted an all out examination of her remains (something detectable causes 99.99% of all deaths) and society should be ashamed that it didn’t afford a real effort at finding out what killed her). I mean, given the history and claims of criminal involvement, surely the FBI, DEA, etc., should have gotten involved and spent a little more of our ‘social security monies’ and tested her for everything under the sun, so as to determine what killed her and then, at least to try find out who did it. Instead, unlike Anna Nicole’s death, Maryam’s passing seems to have been, all but swept completely under the rug.

Happy Agua August 18, 2010 at 11:48 am

This is for Ange who wrote on May 15, 2010, I believe we know each other. Please contact me at happyagua@gmail.com.

PilotMonk August 21, 2010 at 10:05 am

Dear Maryam,
I read about your story several months ago and I just want to leave a message on this particular day. After your carrier in the business you began to study to become a sexual therapist. What most people don’t get is that you arranged the probably biggest project of this subject of all time just by telling people your story.
Sometimes I imagine, that you just faked the whole thing about your death for the aim of this project, which changed the world of all the thousands of visitors of this site. And now you’re sitting on a secret island with an internet-connection, just to check the current state, laughing and jumping around because of your success.
It is strange to miss someone you never met before :(

I wish good luck to all of you, wherever you are, especially to you Maryam…
And Kensabe, I know that I don’t have to tell you, but the fact that we don’t see things any more doesn’t mean that these things don’t keep on existing.
When the sun goes down, it’s not gone. It’s just waiting for a new rising and it does for sure.
R.I.P.

kerguelen August 21, 2010 at 11:23 am

R.I.P Maryam Haley.

matt August 30, 2010 at 8:38 am

RIP maryam haley you are missed

DinamoTiranafootballclub September 20, 2010 at 1:40 am

I am sorry for her , but this story should serve as a lesson to other girls to not go to the DEVIL WORLD called PORN, what porn does it ruins people life’s especially women’s side. Check deadpornstars at you tube to see h ow many suicide themselves ,because after a few months ,life is unbearable if u are in the porn ,no matter your gender, male or female. STOP PORN,STOP PORN, STOP PORN let people live normally , u see a lot of porn directors super rich ,and a lot of pornstars dead, so stop entering the porn who ever is thinking to enter it, DO NOT DESTROY YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR OWN HANDS from your deeds. Instead take the difficult path, the honest one, i know it can be difficult at the beginning, but is much much more rewarding in the end.

Randy October 29, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Maryam. I have been addicted to Porn for many, many years. Secretively for the most part. Not something I find easy to talk to others when I need help. I happened upon your name in a Google search for Latina girls. Upon further research I then read of your tragic ending. I have no idea who you were but reading this blog and the writings of you father something has happened to the core of my sole. Looking at your photos your father took have finally broken me from my addiction. Many many times I have tried to stop doing what I do only to find myself back there. I never had a face or life to associate with the act until now. While tragic, your passing has truly saved my life. I will be praying that God has mercy on your sole. Finding you on the net and learning of your life was not a coincidence. God himself connected me up to you (so to speak) to cleanse me of my problems. This may sound silly to some but I can’t help what I’m feeling. I don’t know why I’m even writing this, healing I suppose. Maryam I hope that as some suggests you are alive and in hiding. If so and you monitor these pages please know you have made a difference in so many lives, at least mine. God I look at you photo and see a human being, a child of God himself, a sister in Christ.
I hope I have an impact on someone as you have had on me. Tragic as you young life was it was meant for a purpose. God please see what effect Maryam has had on some. Our job as disciples are to save souls. Alive or dead can this not be the same?

Goodbye Maryam Irene Haley

SCOTTY November 11, 2010 at 10:55 pm

its been only a week since i found out,its the saddest thing ive heard ever,didnt deserve this ending,in a way its made me respect my partner more than i ever have before,its woken me up in a way!Maryam may your beautiful soul rest in peace,gone too soon…

Alejandro November 27, 2010 at 4:24 am

Soy Alejandro escrivo desde Argentina…
Yo amaba a Haley, cuando me entere de su muerte fue una profunda trizteza… fui su admirador y soñe siempre conque una mujer asi se enamore de mi…. que en paz descanzes, te llevo en mi corazon y pensamientos…

DG December 25, 2010 at 12:03 am

I, like many others who have written in here came across this girl after downloading and watching her films. Very sad what happened to her. By watching films like this, I’m a contributor to this awful industry she got involved in. I’ve been hooked for years and really want to quit looking at this mind poison.

Any suggestions?

DG

Changed... December 30, 2010 at 6:34 pm

I have lusted over her for years. Today I found this site and read it in full. Now I just want to hug her.

sam January 1, 2011 at 1:32 pm

maryam wish u a happy new year to u and ur family May ur soul rest in peace

Leslie January 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

I think she was murdered and the thug paid off/had connections with the coroner and/or police.
Sick world we live in. Stupid thugs ruining a beautiful industry.

Can't believe what has happened January 8, 2011 at 12:40 am

Although I have never and will never met you I want you to know I love you may you rest in peace and who ever took part in your death be dealt with in a equal manner. My eyes will cry for you and your family

David March 7, 2011 at 11:19 am

I just found out that she isn’t alive – shock. I read this article and feel sad. I will never watch any of her porn movies again!! I could not really enjoy watching her in her movies, I could feel that something is wrong. But from time to time I looked her up, because she looked just so beautiful and likeable.

T March 29, 2011 at 9:18 am

This is a wonderful writeup about Maryam AKA Hailey Paige. I think this webpage is a wonderful memorial. I discovered her a couple years ago and was very sad to learn of her death. I check the web every so often to see if anything else has come to light in her case and only discovered this page this morning.

She was beautiful and IMO one of the best stars in the adult industry. When i first saw her, one of the things that touched me most was that she was real. You see so many fake women in porn, but Hailey (as i came to know her) seemed like the type of girl many of us dream of. She just came across as someone you could hang out with and the sparkle in her eyes could melt anyone’s heart.

So many of these comments only say how bad the adult industry is and how sad it is that she ever became involved in it. There are demons hiding in every walk of life and no matter what choices she made she could have encountered them anywhere. Not everyone in porn is evil or abusive and its a real shame that this incredible lady fell in with the wrong people and lifestyle of hard drugs.

She should have been one of the top stars in her profession and i wish she had attained the fortune and great life that some of the other adult stars have achieved. I will not disrespect her by saying that her work is bad or wrong. She honestly appeared to enjoy her work and was amazing to watch. She deserved so much more from life than she got and its sad that her fans will never see this wonderful woman again, She was taken from all of us and she will be missed.

The real lesson to be learned from her death is that once a man hits a woman, she should get away and never even consider going back. We don’t know that he killed her, but she died while she was with him and we know he was a pretty bad human being for what he had done to other women. How anyone could ever hurt such a beautiful person i’ll never understand. The more i learn about the real person behind the persona the more angry and depressed i am over her death. I wish i had known her as more than a adult star, she sounds like the kind of person that this world needs more of.

In closing i would like to express my sorrow to her family and friends who knew her, I know a light has been stolen from your world and i can not put into words how bad i feel for you all. Just know that God knows the truth and is not as judgemental as many people and i honestly believe she is watching over us from above.

May She rest in peace and live in the true love she has brought to us all!

J April 13, 2011 at 11:00 am

This is an amazing story. The way the family opened themselves to an internet ruled by the lowest common denominator and won is truly inspirational. No person is defined by one role in life, but it’s oh so easy to see it that way. Maryam is a person, with her triumphs and her tragedies, I only hope I am remembered the same way. A beautiful and final gift for a father to give his daughter.

RIP Maryam

Michael April 29, 2011 at 1:48 pm

so sad…prayers compassion and forgiveness

Chris June 15, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Anybody read the book ‘The Chosen’? Sounds like she was a Tzaddik in the context of that particular book. This particular entry reminds of that book. Bravo.

HomerSimpson July 5, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Just wow. Sad at what life does to us.

Mikey the Saint July 24, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Rest in peace young lady.

kerguelen August 21, 2011 at 11:24 am

RIP Maryam Haley.

ryan lalala September 28, 2011 at 9:05 am

RIP Maryam Haley
VERY SAD

Eddie Mo November 14, 2011 at 10:08 am

I’m not big into porno but last week I was at a bachelor party and her video was on and all of a sudden I realized that she was the hot!, but twisted soul I met at my AA. meeting in Santa Barbara about 5 years ago and a group of us went out for coffee after the meeting, she was a newcomer and that night she stayed at my house here in Montecito because she did not have enough $ for a hotel and I was just helping out another child of god!! I didn’t hit on her, but there was some flirting like I’m yours for the night if you want it and I’m a red blooded american like all men are but I did not go that way and after that night I honestly thought I should of taken her up on it, I’m just being honest. I’ve been sober in AA for 30 Years and I do not look in AA for romantic relationships,believe me, its about recovery and being of service!!! the point is “Don’t mess with this disease of drug addiction or alcoholism” because it will eventually kill you in many ways directly or by association, you never know. The next day we went out for breakfast and I took her to Rincon while I surfed a nice 5 foot swell and then we parted and she called a couple of times about the program, but that was it and now she’s gone. Life is funny sometimes. I wish her family the best and may god bless you and yours.

real February 6, 2012 at 6:50 am

That video of her interview, is very sobering. A real person, like you and me. God bless her. And may he have mercy on all of us who support directly or indirectly an industry that exploits people and robs them of their dignity and their humanity.

Steve February 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Just came across this woman and story through watching porn. When you watch the interview her sitting there of about 9 minutes you see a sweet and wonderful young woman. To know her life went to waste is depressing. She got lost with the wrong people around her. Lesson for all young women to think about should they enter the world of porn.

Clay February 19, 2012 at 4:02 am

That previous comment about her openness and inner beauty being a magnet and drawing people into wanting to know her (if only through cyber space) more is right on the money.

There was something unexplainable about Maryam that made me want to delve deeper into her life… believe me, I’m a pretty busy guy, and I just spent the last hour reading this whole thing. Let those demon filled bastards who raped her and used her BURN IN HELL.

All I can do is for pray her… my intuitions are that such a kind person is with Jesus now. Her mother was religious? She must have known about the savior… she is in heaven I am certain of it. I will pray for her. GOD bless.

BTW, the most naturally beautiful performer I have ever seen. I am ashamed of my porn watching, but it’s unavoidable. So uniquely beautiful…. those horrid comments about her breasts sagging were made by a bunch of trolling losers – natural beauty is the best kind.

She had that IT factor and something about her soul and eyes were so pure and GODly… RIP Maryam.

I feel much cyber love for her.

Duncan UK April 7, 2012 at 8:07 am

I still love you Haley. Such a sad loss………………………….

Observing April 19, 2012 at 1:26 am

Thanks for providing a forum for this dialog/remembrance /memorial. I, too, saw her in her porn flicks. This story of her tragic ending has woken me up. Porn addiction is real, just like addiction to almost anything, but in particular, anything that amps up your dopamine like having an orgasm on demand is going to change your internal wiring. Maryam’s tragic story has inspired me to admit to myself that I need to work on this porn habit of mine. RIP MaryAm — wish you were here. To her father, and also to Robert, the host of this forum, thanks for putting this and yourselves out there.

Ace May 17, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Same here, @ observing. Porn was never the same again after reading all this. Marian was a beautiful person, and her story made me stop watching porn. Thank you, Marian, for making it personal instead of anonymous, your death shall not be in vein. I hope you found peace xx

paris smith May 20, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I am glad that finally someone managed to update and improve Haley’s webiste and reflect her untimely passing. I am glad that it still up and running. I count myself as one of her fans and as a great admirer of her work. Although I did not know her personally, from what I have seen and read about her, she appears to have been a very genuine person in real life. I wish the very best to her family.

RIP, Haley.

Joe May 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Alone here at night, I’m still remembering Maryam. Thank you for writing this blog Robert, and from a parent of a daughter, my sincerest condolences to her family and all that loved her the way she and all of us deserve and need to be loved. RIP

Lars Germany May 31, 2012 at 10:40 am

miss You so much sweethaert ………..you had to go through such difficulies in life. messed up society…….you will be rememberd ! and I mean that in a non-pornstar kind of way, but as in natural beauty and sweet personality R.I.P.

Adam Steffen June 20, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Haley, it’s quite unbelievable the effect you’ve had on so many people – most of them complete strangers. I think I’m on hour #5 reading about your life and death and all things in between. I am in shock that you had to leave us all so early. Taking this in has left me numb and has drawn a line in the sand for me, regarding the adult industry and all the bad habits it can bring a person. Your beauty mesmerized me since the day I laid eyes on you. Who wouldv’e thought that your untimely death would inject some humanity in those who needed it, but didn’t know where to look for it…Your journey has made a difference, i just wish you could still be around to see it. Rest well Maryam.

kerguelen August 21, 2012 at 7:51 pm

RIP Maryam Haley.
Just a word today.

Enrique September 10, 2012 at 2:27 am

RIP Maryam Irene Haley my prayers go out to you and your family

Andrew Scott September 22, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Haley had the sexiest feet I’ve ever seen. Her soles and feet and toes were so suckable and lickable. Her arches were so sexy. Her barefoot scenes were true classics.

AJ November 11, 2012 at 3:58 am

RIP – you are not forgoten

Ede December 3, 2012 at 9:01 am

People can try and spin it anyway they want,but i feel the porn industrial is a very distructive lifestyle that will lead to nothing but pain,i’ve watched porn and liked it,but i can take it or leave it. I think a lot of porn stars fake their own deaths. Haley is one of them,Bambi Woods is another,Missy is one as well. Don’t you find it funny that Missy family never told anyone that she died? and Haley died under mysterious circumstances,no one can tell u what she died off,and both Women just vanished at first then all of a sudden poof their dead. Bambi Woods,of Debbie Does Dallas is another, Once these young women come to their senses they realize they were crazy to have gotten involved in porn and wanted to clean their lives up. I say good luck to all of them. Change the color of your hair and Have good life Haley where ever you are,get your still young,same to you Missy and Bambi,sh*t happens and we all make mistakes.

Robert Replies: There is no evidence to support that Haley Paige has died although crazier things have happened. Bambi Woods never died; she just moved to Australia and never revealed her identity. I wrote about a recent interview that the “real Bambie Woods” had. She’s doing fine….

Daywalker December 4, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Just came across this woman and story through watching porn. what a story!! she is still beautiful thou!

the tig May 5, 2013 at 12:17 am

While i didnt know haley; i did see her movies. She was a gorgeous woman and it’s sad that she died. She was one of the very few female porn actresses whom i felt an actual attraction to that wasn’t soley based around a sexual fantasy. If her husband played a part in her death, i hope he burns in hell. My condolences to her father

Todd June 27, 2013 at 9:34 am

I only saw a couple of her movies and didn’t really care for them with the exception of the Ultrawired Sex scene which felt more authentic and far less demeaning but Haley was a beautiful looking woman with an incredible body. I don’t understand why some of her fans were criticising her breasts sagging. They were pretty much perfect.

I stopped watching mainstream\pro porn because it felt too fake and artificial.

I always watch the amateur stuff because the women seem natural and more playful.

I can honestly say that there is a great deal of disturbing and unhealthy themes in too much porn these days. Many of these themes have become mainstream and have infected most sites. I don’t know what the answer is for dealing with this. We need more education and restrict access to younger people, especially teens and minors. Porn is too accessible.

Parents need to get these smart phones away from their kids because they’re not monitoring and have have no control over the content. It amazes me how so many parents blindly allow their kids to have unsupervised access to the Internet but it’s all about money and lazy, parenting is just compounding this phenomena.

Haley had her demons and I suspect that she would have developed addiction issues and engaged in other dysfunctional behaviour regardless of porn because it seems to have started long before she became involved in porn. I’ve seen my share of people struggle with personal issues, how they handle it and several simply never recovered.

Chastik August 23, 2013 at 2:34 pm

I had been an occasional fan of porn, and I found Haley to be exceptionally beautiful and compelling in her scenes. She had an exotic beauty that really caught my eye.

I was saddened an shocked to hear of her death in 2008. Learning the circumstances of her life and passing really opened my eyes about this industry. Reading this blog is very enlightening, and I think any porn addict should read this.

She was a beautiful soul, who was victimized by pure evil. Because of her story, I will no longer spend a dime to support this industry, an industry which treats young girls as expendable commodities.

Porn is not love, its the opposite of love.

Robert Nagle August 23, 2013 at 11:44 pm

Chastik, I just wanted to say that I was going to write a moderate defense of her boyfriend Chico (something of the “He’s a jerk but not evil incarnate” variety). But after searching the internet a bit more, I see that he had a really bad reputation and treated everybody terribly. Which is why this post should not be about him, but about Hailey.

I saw him in a movie once; he seemed stupid and juvenile; he certainly didn’t seem evil, but I guess in private life he was a lot worse. His main talent seemed to be working with the camera and treating people like crap.

I think the porn industry can be very tough, but there are a lot of good and warm people working inside it; they organize parties and normal kinds of gatherings. Chico was the kind of asshole who was allowed to get away with a lot — because frankly in porn you can sometimes get away with acting like an asshole. Unfortunately, some people never learn to walk away from the Chico assholes.

Chastik August 30, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Robert Nagle, thank you so much for creating this blog. Its important that Miriam Haley not be written off as just another casualty of the drug/porn lifestyle. Clearly, she was much more than that. Her memory can live on in our hearts.

Any news about the father’s effort to write a book about Miriam?

Kate July 18, 2014 at 3:17 pm

I am devastated to find out about maryams death. My condolences to her father, mother, family and friends. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child and it must still be difficult this many years on. I knew Hayley when she first started out in the industry. I am the same age and we started together. We shared a room in an apartment for a couple of weeks and I have the fondest memories of her. She was such a lovely person and so nice to me. We went shopping together and out for meals, I remember her introducing me to the music of jack Johnson. Bushtail fairytails. I thought of her every time I have listened to it and only recently thought I should try to find her to see how she was doing. I only stayed in America for a short while and I regret not keeping in touch with her. Reading all the nice things every one has said has made me cry. I cry for the life she will never have. I remember her saying that she wanted to have a family and that was all she needed to make her happy in life. Unfortunately she never got the chance. I wonder if her father still checks any threads on the internet. I wonder if he has written the book about her as I would love to read it. RIP maryam xx

Robert Replies I forwarded Kate’s message to the father. I talked briefly to the father about writing some kind of piece. It’s still up in the air, but I’m pretty sure something will come from it eventually (and I’ll announce or link to it here).

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