To the girl you put up a Youtube video about her 13 year friend who committed suicide

by Robert Nagle on 8/21/2008

in most popular,Video/Multimedia

(See this youtube video and this blog post by the friend of the victim)

I’m sure your life sucks right now because of your friend’s death. She was so young; how sad. I’m writing to say that your sadness will continue…probably for a long time. I simply cannot imagine being your age and having to deal with such an event. Still, over time the sadness will fade and you will find a way to accept what happened without anger or pain. You will find a way to heal, but neither I nor anyone else will know how or when that will happen. But certainly it will  happen.

You probably know a lot more  about what was going on in your friend’s mind than a stranger can. Perhaps the  sexual abuse  affected her, but I think one cause is that at that age, people act too suddenly without thinking. Some  are prone to depression — a lot more than people realize, but when people become adults, they are at least mentally able to get help or to chill out while they figure out a solution. But your friend was too young to be able to do this, and she did not know how to find an escape.  If you told her not to do anything rash, then you did the right thing. In retrospect, maybe you should have found an adult as well, but you did the best you could; the truth is that it’s hard to know when people are just saying things and when they really mean it.

I recommend that you read a book, My Antonia by Willa Cather. It is a great book, and in it there is a suicide, that of Antonia’s father. It is a terrible chapter when it happens-. And yet throughout the book we see that even though the father was a minor character in the novel, in fact his name  comes up repeatedly  in Antonia’s  conversations –although not in a sad way.  She gains the ability through the years to understand her father better and even to see a little bit of himself in her as well.   The memory stays alive and continues to shape Antonia both in the present and the future. Without denying the pain of  it,  Antonia is able to proceed through life in a semi-normal way.

You have learned about something very important –the fragility of human life. It is a terrible kind of knowledge; it does not make your life happier as a teenager, but it prepares you and helps you understand what it is really important.  Teenagers take a lot of chances; they do crazy things, they don’t know when to stop; they don’t live with a sense that things could end quickly. Now you understand how precious and fragile a person’s life really is.

You also have a secret sadness. For now  your friends and family know about what happened, and they will help you the best that they can (even though they can never know what you really feel). One wishes that people could have given  Megan  the same amount of care and attention, but in truth people  either didn’t know about it or didn’t know the best way to help her.  The real tragedy is that Megan will never be able to live a full life and  see how many people could offer kindness to lessen the pain of  abuse.   Megan trusted you with her pains; maybe you couldn’t solve all of her problems, but I’m sure your care and concern made her life a little happier.

Later in your life, though, most of your friends won’t know about your loss. Perhaps you will tell some of your friends,  but you cannot possibly tell everybody. In a way, she will be your secret.  My guess is that 30 or 40 years from now  you will be able to remember Megan just as vividly as you do now. Despite what people say, memories don’t really fade, especially important memories. And memories of Megan will remain important memories.   At times they will bring you down (especially if you are also down), but more likely your memories of Megan will make you laugh; (by the way, those are funny silly photos! loved them!). Megan is a one-of-a-kind person; sure you will find other friends, but nobody will replace Megan and what she means to you.

Megan Leigh Crouch, you were so young that you could not deal with the pains of living. The world  shall always weep your loss.

(See also this commemoration video by her mother and a small announcement in the local newspaper). See also my writeup about the mother’s unsuccessful attempt to put the alleged child abuser behind bars.

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Lagos Portugal August 26, 2008 at 1:20 pm

That is a very sad thing, words can not describe. How a 13 year old can do this is sad, and I hope her friend has strength to keep going and learns to live with this.

stephanie(megans friend) November 13, 2008 at 10:52 am

Hey, I am Megs best friend, the girl who posted the video. I would like to thank you again. :)

Melissa April 19, 2009 at 8:16 pm

Why did you take the video off? I also am a mother of a abuse child and would like the video to stay up.

Britanie April 3, 2010 at 1:23 pm

I knew Megan for about 2 years. I moved in the middle of my 7th grade year but me and Meg were so close !!! I would give anything to have her back it has been years since it happened and I still cry about it all the night Megan Leigh Crouch will always be missed and loved by many but especialy her close friends ! She will never be forgotten ! I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to help baby girl !!! I <3 yew always ! R.I.P Megan Leigh Crouch ! I will always love yew !!!

Regine stateman July 1, 2010 at 5:47 pm

i met megan in the 5th grad it was our first year in
ky and we had no friends i remember like yesterday
me and my sister sat in a seat on the bus together
and waited for all the stops the next stop was megan
she and her bff ashiah sat in front of us they turned around
and started talkin to us and told us they were sisters
we believed them on the way to school we decided to
be friends then i found out me nd meg had the same
class we grew very close nd she told me all about her childhood
but wen she was around us it seemed like it was gettin better
we remained close till the 7th grade wen she move we
had no number so we grew apart i always wanted to reconect
a year went by untill i got the text my heart dropped this
beutiful soul is gone the funeral was very sad but i kneew thats
not wat she wanted i love you meg u are missed
RIP

kane stevens September 9, 2010 at 9:22 pm

i had met meg when i wuz a little kid! she was always my best friend and always had been, i had saw her the day before she had done what she did, i saw her at counceling. i askd her why she was there, she didnt rly give me an answer. but i think i figured it out. i love you so mcuh meg!!!!!!!!!!

Stephanie wallace August 13, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Hey, its me again. I just wanted to post something because I was very amazed that people had still commented about her in 2010. Megan will never be forgotten. And it feels amazing to know that people are still keeping her memories alive. RIP Megan Leigh Crouch Taylor, il never forget and will always love you, you are my best friend.

Frances Montoya September 24, 2011 at 10:46 am

I never really knew her that well. I knew her 7th grade year, because I had her in Related Arts Classes. I was sitting in Mrs. Henderson’s class, and it was around the last week of school, and Megan was walking around asking people to sign her yearbook. My BFF at the time, Katlyn Wolford, had told me some info about Megan, (apparently everyone was talking about how she was cutting herself), and I wanted to cry when she asked me to sign. I had a, what you could call, a premonition, which is like a voice from God, that she was going to hurt herself. I didn’t want to say anything, but I also wanted to help. I was caught in the middle. She was a very lovely girl, with a kind heart, and a big smile. I will always remember that bold laugh she would belt out in the midst of class. I pray for her family and friends, and that you all are doing well. May God bless you for years to come.

stephanie wallace September 28, 2013 at 2:56 am

Yes this blog is very old so I don’t know if anyone will ever see this comment. I would like to say thank you to whom ever posted this. I know we emailed a bit that year. But I just want to say thanks. I am now 19 and have a beautiful son. I am in germany serving for our us army.

I just wanted to say you had helped me through I a hard time. I still miss megan so much. But I have learned to move on but never forget and never stop loving.

Thanks
Stephanie

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